Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in back_alley_john's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, June 21st, 2007
2:16 am	i just can't bring myself to write about feelings. whenver i'm hella "emotional" i'm too upset to clarify other than i'm fucking upset, or pissed, or seconds away from listening to morrisey. but then when i calm down, what ever was bothering me just doesn't fucking matter anymore. im not one of those people that feels any sort of catharsis from releasing baggage. actually, to be honest, i dont think i'm the type of person that ever experiences any sort of catharsis or uplifting moments. oh sure, i got the good and the bad same as the next person, its just that nothing totally comforts me. the closest things that do, i've been conditioned to feel guilty about. not that that's a cop out, its just how my brain has developed, along with the help of outside pressure, to make sure that the pressure in my head doesn't cause it to fucking pop. thats' why im a post-nowist now. because the present sucks, the past makes me miserable, and the future is one big scary unknown. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 17th, 2006
1:41 pm	iwish someone could tell me what the next step should be. not to mean i want my life dictated for me, merely just some sort of framework that i might be able to grasp the context from. we're approachig the singularity (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 26th, 2006
7:09 am	i wish i was a gun slinger i keeps trying to play by my own rules but bullshit keeps getting in the way. (Comment on this)
Friday, March 24th, 2006
6:43 am	"this is like what normal people do" but in reverse. trying to utilize the day and my time just doesn't seem to be working out to well. too many projects left unfinished. and maybe i'm putting a little too much into being able to say fuck it and crawl into bed with a such a fucking amzing person. i love Jenna. i also love feeling productive. and being fed and housed. note to self, make KC DIY comp STL release flyer Current Music: Jenna's creepy roommate (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 18th, 2006
4:58 am	im not sure if it sucks, but maybe it does suck when you have a gnawing idea in the back of your head but instead of working with it you spend a night with friends talking about various ideas. maybe cause there was jazz playing in the background is why i feel so off-put or what not. (Comment on this)
Monday, March 13th, 2006
2:31 am	punching dick in 2006 these past few weeks have been fucking rad. i dunno if it's the bike-able weather or the fact that i got a job, as a manager? or that i have no more cast inhibiting my movements or if its scraping together change to buy soy milk and brownie mix with a pretty, tough as nails lady or repping the blunt punx all over town or running into friends on your respective ways home "where you coming from?" " a mexican dance party that let out as i was walking down the sidewalk. you?" "i was looking at some house that looks like doctor strange lives inside, protecting the mortal coil from nefarious spirits." "alright, i gotta keep heading home" Current Music: well fed fuck born against (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
7:51 am	what the fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. a whole lot of dumb shit keeps piling up, shit that i need money to pay for. so i have taken a job working the grave yard shift at a coffee shop. too bad my manager doesn't smoke "reefer" as she said. goddamnit. i'd write more but my thoughts keep escaping me. which is the direct opposite of what i need right now. what the fuck am i doin? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 7th, 2005
6:47 am	I shit GOLD! it's true. 12 page research paper? oh yea, met that requirement in, oh, maybe 2 and a half night's worth of work. I fucking rule at life right now. Current Music: Contravene (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 24th, 2005
6:01 am	i can't write a signle fucking line right. fuck (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
3:03 am	i think i'm fucking swooning all's well Current Music: CCR (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
4:59 pm	good porch weather is a dandy enough time to reflect on my new position, or disposition. i dunno. I guess since my move up here, I've constantly felt, to a certain extant, on edge. Mostly i think its cause i'm on the cusp of a whole bunch of different social worlds. some are new, mostly through school. it's funny how much i actually enjoy school now. sitting on campus people watching, and hearing tid bits of conversation, almost makes me lough out loud. i've also come to the conclusion that i'm not as pissed off, or maybe exclusive? and i've come across a whole section of kids at fuckin school who are genuinely rad, definately need to hang out with them folk more. it's wack, man. i think i desperately want my variouos social worlds to collide, but without me having to be the mitigating force behing the catastrophy of a party that would likely be. moving back to the lou feels like a ghost city. all these various memories of people, and even places, that are no longer around, but they fucking haunt me, but thankfully i've done a good job of not letting 'em discolor my pretty cheerful outlook i got with my new role. besides, without school how would i be living so large and so non-working right now? financial aid checks are a thousand times better than food stamps. financial aid checks can fund road trips, and a time honored way to help foster a positive mental outlook-wizard. Current Music: Keith wanking on guitar (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
5:53 am	and so it goes? just woke up from a sickly dream where i was perusing a petting zoo on the roof of a HUGE skyscraper, and was being berae to ride a goat around the edge. i can get takled into anything by the right person, even in my dreams. branched out and found decent roots in columbia again, people have calmed down a bit and grown wiser it'd seem the slaughterhouse feels empty without a shitload of peeps sitting around, but Mikey Offender said that we had the cleanest punk house he'd seen in a long time. "it's pretty nice, for not being a squat" the fuck does that mean? good feedback is rad. Current Music: ad astra per aspera (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 8th, 2005
6:29 am	getting settled in saint louis right now feels like i'm getting my life back on track. i have ridden my bicycle to every single one of my classes. i'm back in school period. i'm living in quite possibly the best living situation I've ever put myself in tonite i hung out with my friend Lauren, who left SLU after our first year. She was amazing. She told me I looked happy. when pressed for more details on how she could tell, she told me she'd never seen me stand up as straight and "confident" as I do now, and i that I have a peculiar twinkle in my eye, and it wasn't from the booze. yet. i also got yet another compliment about my resemblence to an extra from braveheart. i probably got a job at a coffee shop on campus, which is a prime opportunity to dick around. have several projects rolling, predominately making sure i get more out of life than life gets out of me. don't stop rocking in the free world. also, if your ever plan on stopping by st. louis, or are already here, feel free to swing by and check out "the office" Current Music: kylesa curse of lost days (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 24th, 2005
4:19 am	sober men don't dance. Current Mood: motorcycle (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 6th, 2005
4:28 am	oh man! these past time in KC since I got back from my trip have been such a fucking blast. damnit, the ability to have practice just charges every essence of my bein' into a beam of fuckin radness. best trip to Lawrence ever. fucking sweet to catch up with the COMO rad kids, hopefully Matt'll hook up the band tats soon. playin the show has made me unable to sleep, i'm still freaking over it. Iron Lung destroyed. and somebody told me I have a pretty face, and then bit me on the shoulder. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
3:35 am	I was gonna post something about not being able to sleep cause I'm anxious about this trip i'm embarkin' on thursday morn. kc to stl to graceland motherfucks. no car, no motorcycle. we'll see how this ends up. best part is iron lung at the end of the rainbow when i plan on gettin backs. but, my computer froze and i lost what i was gonna say, and don't feel like it anymore, but i still am compulsively. it bothers me that i've been to busy lately to work on any old or new stories. i can't ride this putting out one issue thing for long. new and exciting! summer! i guess, up the punx? (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 28th, 2005
6:49 pm	anyone wanna trade books? or at least trade ideas on what books to read next? Current Music: Motorhead (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 21st, 2005
1:31 am	accomplishments I fucking love spring time. Current Music: rolling stones (Comment on this)
Monday, April 18th, 2005
11:18 pm	fucking blast this weekend goddamn ruled. friday got drunk as gentlemen with Ben, larry, and Gil on some fancy-lad whiskey sours and smokin' out of an apple pipe. handin out my zine was incredibly intimidating, but I managed to do it. as for the rest of the nite, too much has already been said about that...eesh. saturday fucking ruled even harder. gotten woken up by Thraknar to go to big dude's, which is neither big or full of dudes, unless you count shitty ones, and I don't. Columbia was fucking rad to see so many friends from afar. the eatin' rats kids gave me a slayer patch and a handful of joints. though keith stuck to his claim of swearing off the life giving force of the space bag. gettin pizza was much better than going to some columbia bar. drinking a shot of gin after two hours of sleep was much better Sunday than James waking me up with the siren of the mega-phone. going to a bar was interesting, and I imagine I'll probably do it again, but it just seemed so wierd and like I shouldn't have been there. ah well. who the fuck drew a swastika on my stomach after I passed out sunday night? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 14th, 2005
9:58 pm	spring time passed my motorcycle class today. in conjunction with a driver's license, i am legally permitted to ride a motorcycle on any street, highway, or thorough-fare. fuck yea. the first issue of No Idea(s) is also done. i'll more than likely have a few copies on my person this weekend, and one's yours for a modest donation or appreciative gesture. fuck yea Current Music: thin lizzy (2 Comments |Comment on this)